I’ll never forget, sharing a cold beer with a few rowdy, patriotic and hard-riding cowboy friends. One of them nearly got a tear in his eye and wanted to propose a toast before we rinsed the dust off our tonsils. Solemnly, he raised his frosty mug, doffed his hat and proposed, “Here’s to rap music and sayin’ bad things about America!!”  We could not stop laughing.  For you chronically literals amongst us, he was joking. That memory aside?  We’ve a most excellent adventure awaiting on the dusty back trails of Santa Clarita history.  My predecessor, ol’ A.B. Perkins, nearly got himself killed way back when. (We might want to leave early so we could warn him.)  Not only that, there’s Hammerschmidt. He got shot in the butt hunting. (I suppose we could warn him early, too, but then what would be the purpose of the ride in the first place?)  We’ve got amazing teacher salary anecdotes, pot-eating goats and funeral-stopping theatrics when a son demands his father’s brain. On the bright side, at least he had the decency to wait until his dad was dead.  There’s giant rattlers, July rain and, well — c’mon. Get in the saddle and come see for yourself …  WAY, WAY BACK WHEN   TUNNEL VISION — I’d venture that 96% of the Santa Clarita has no idea that the main road at the south end of the valley was a huge tunnel. It was opened in 1910 and for 28 years, was the main egress to-and-fro the San Fernando Valley. On July 28, 1938, the old Newhall road tunnel (by Beale’s Cut) was filled in and replaced by a brand new Sierra Highway.  SPEAKING OF TUNNELS — Back on July 27, 1876, the old Soledad Canyon train tunnel was completed, helping to link the Santa Clarita (or Rancho San Francisco then) with the Antelope Valley via rail.  THINK THEY LEFT AN OIL SLICK DURING THE MOVE? — The year 1876 was a landmark for us. For one thing, the town of Newhall was founded. Also, on Aug. 1, 1876, the Pioneer Oil Refinery moved from its original location near where Eternal Valley cemetery is today over to its present-day location on Pine Street. It was the first successful commercial oil refinery in California.  AUGUST 1, 1926  LENNUT. IT’S TUNNEL, SPELT BACKWARDS — I mentioned as we were moseying by the Newhall road tunnel that it opened in 1910 and was filled in in 1938 to make way for the new Sierra Highway. On this date in 1926, road crews were working around the clock to cut back the banks of the mountain next to the tunnel. Seems we kept having landslides, which kept closing the road leading to the tunnel.  WITH THE AUTO CAME THE CRASH — Funny how we take things for granted. Much of America is built around the car. But back in 1926, the automobile was still a relatively new invention, so much so, this paper called them, simply — “machines.” Three of the “machines” developed minds of their own and crashed. The little Newhall Community Hospital had three visitors from the mishaps, all with serious head injuries.  FUN COUNTY NUMBERS FOR YOU ARITHMOMANIACS — Los Angeles County booked 12,292 prisoners during all of 1925 — up 25% from 1924. Major crimes in the 4,009 square miles of county increased 24%. I found this one amazing. There were 13,086 car thefts and cars totaling more than $680,000 were recovered. Today, that would account for about 1.5 top-of-the-line F-150s. Back then, there were about 338,000 people in the county.  NOTHING’S CHANGED WITH THEM FROG-EATING, RUDE,  FRANC-PINCHING SURRENDER MONKEYS — Seems we’re always complaining about the French. A Signal editorial 100 years back by owner A.B. “Dad” Thatcher carped about France not paying back their debt from World War I.  AUGUST 1, 1936  A MOST HORRIFIC ACCIDENT — David Sleeper, a 13-year-old boy, was riding on the running board of his parents’ car on Sand Canyon Road, along with other siblings. He and his siblings had snuck off in the car. His 11-year-old sister was driving. She lost control, veered off the road, and took out 150 feet of fence and barbed wire, shredding her brother.   DOTY-DOTY-DOTY: IT’S WHAT CHALLENGED PEOPLE SAY WHEN THEY’RE WALKING SLOWLY — Mrs. J.W. Doty lost an uncle of great importance. Don Juan Dana had wanted to live to 100 and missed it by a year and a few months. Don Juan was born and had lived his entire life on California’s first Spanish land grant. Mrs. Doty was also related to Richard Dana, who wrote: “Two Years Before the Mast.” Mrs. Doty is also related to my good-good buddy and fellow Treat Patrol Mischief Maker, Genene Doty-Staats and my poker buddy, John Doty.  HISTORIAN MAKES HISTORY — A.B. Perkins narrowly escaped death when a building fell on him. He had been tearing down a main wall at the Saugus School when the entire structure collapsed. When workers tore through the rubble, they found old A.B. unconscious. They rushed him home and medical help was summoned. Perk had a big concussion and headache for a week-plus, but recuperated. Thank goodness. He wrote much of the early history of this valley. As a young man, Perk would take his wife down to the San Fernando Mission and she’d translate their records on our valley into English for him.  WHEN THINGS WERE SIMPLER — The budget for Castaic Elementary, grades K-8, was $16,110 for 1936-37. For Newhall Elementary, their budget was $27,467 and for Saugus Elementary (the shopping center where IHOP is today on Bouquet), their yearly budget was a projected $7,763. Salaries for ALL teachers in ALL three schools TOTALED around $19,000 for the year.  AUGUST 1, 1946  BULLET IN THE BUTT — On this date, 19-year-old Richard Hammerschmidt was shot in the butt by a hunting companion. His 13-year-old fellow squirrel hunter got his rifle caught in some brush. It went off. The bullet went you-know-where.  ‘GIVE ME MY FATHER’S BRAIN!!’ — The life of our famed superstar William S. Hart was Shakespearean, even into death. The classic stage actor, who became one of Earth’s most famous movie stars, died a month earlier. At his funeral services, his son, Bill Hart Jr., rushed into Forest Lawn with a court order, stopping his father’s cremation. Young Hart demanded his father’s brain for an autopsy. His father had completely cut him out of the will and Hart Jr. wanted to check for chemicals in the brain to see if dad was of sound mind.  AUGUST 1, 1956  FAMED WESTERN LEGEND RIDES INTO THE MYSTIC — Noted marksman, lawman and horseman Allen J. Greer died on this date. The former Newhall sheriff’s deputy had teamed up with Fred Harman, creator of the famous comic strip, “Red Ryder.” The pair had ridden from San Antonio, Texas, into Mexico to chase after border-crossing banditos. As a deputy here, he earned extra money as a sharpshooter and TV entertainer. Think Greer deserves a saddle on Newhall’s Walk of Western Stars?  AND THEY DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN, EXCEPT … — maybe a smidge gamier. We’re in the middle of rattlesnake season but a half-century back, rancher Earl Thompson bagged himself a monster. The creature was over 6 feet long and thick at the middle as a strong man’s bicep.  AUGUST 1, 1966  PARENTING TIP NO. 1,486: COUNT THE KIDS. — Talk about a future therapy story: Three young girls from Georgia were stranded in Castaic by their parents. The girls were ages 8-13. Their parents, driving a camper, didn’t know the trio had been left behind until two hours later.  FOX BUT NOT THAT FOX — Frederick Fielding Fox, brother-in-law of Darryl F. Zanuck who headed 20th Century Fox Studios, died on this date of a heart attack. He was 62. He worked for several years for the studio as head of European production. The Newhall man was not related to the Fox in the company title.  AUGUST 1, 1976  DID THE EARTH MOVE FOR YOU, TOO? — If you feel a small breeze, it may not be the wind. According to a geology study from 80 years earlier here, the Santa Clarita Valley is moving north, but no need to pack. About 6 million years ago, we used to sit where the Salton Sea is today.   AUGUST 1, 1986  ZAPPED!! — A violent electrical storm left 5,000 local residents without power for half the night 20 years back. The 1/20th of an inch — about enough to water a sprig of locally grown parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme — was the second measurable July rain in a decade.  AS BIG LES PETERS USED TO SAY: ‘THEY SHOULDN’T LET TIGHT ENDS DRINK …’ — Canyon High’s Fred Cornwell was in Thousand Oaks for summer camp. The tight end was in his third year with the Dallas Cowboys.   A CLEAR CASE OF AGRICULTURE GOING TO POT  IT BEATS RAISIN’ TATERS — Well. Until you get arrested. A sheriff’s raid on a Vasquez Canyon farm netted 1,000 marijuana plants on this date. When the deputies arrived, they found a goat calmly eating one of the shrubs. The owner of the working Canyon Country farm had earlier complained about how his crops had been losing him money, but had hinted to friends that this year was going to be a “bumper crop.” Kind of. Officials estimated Juan Duran’s harvest would have brought in about $1.7 million — had he been able to sell it.  • • •  Well, saddlepals. Here we are, back to the present and overly cemented Santa Clarita of the Here--Now. It’s the first of August. We begin that hopeful march to the cooler days of Autumn. What say we cowboy up and cowgirl up and cowpronoun up, meet back here next weekend at The Mighty Signal hitching post and disappear into the back canyons for another, exciting, Time Ranger adventure? Yes? No? Maybe so? Until then? ¡Vayan con Dios, amigos y mantente hidratado!   Local historian and the world’s most prolific satirist/humorist John Boston has launched his new eclectic bookstore — johnboston-books.com. His hilarious adventure/family/supernatural sequel to the national bestseller, “Naked Came the Sasquatch,” — “Naked Came the Novelist” — is on sale now. Ditto with his two-volume “Monsters” series about the supernatural in the SCV.   The post The Time Ranger | Bullets in the Butt. A Good Country Band Name. appeared first on Santa Clarita Valley Signal. ...read more read less