1. I’m a 20-year-old virgin and I have until very recently thought I was pan romantic/asexual. But I have found myself being sexually attracted to my close female friends. How do I know if I am ace or struggling with religious guilt? Labels can wait — get out there and live a little, kiddo . P.S. Religious guilt and/or trauma is something you work through with a therapist; it’s not something you work through with (or take out on) your first girlfriend. 2. Into fisting? A lady never tells. 3. I’m a 58-year-old gay man in a loving relationship with my husband of 35 years. We both recently retired. We are seeing this phase of life to be able to create a new life not beholden to anyone (family, friends, employer, etc.). However, since retiring I feel that I don’t truly know who I am as a gay man. I grew up during the 80s and my husband was my only sex partner. I feel like I missed out playing the field. This need seems very strong. Is this “missed out” feeling common among men after we retire? Everyone has ragrets. P.S. Talk to your partner about having some adventures together. There are lots of hot guys on the apps — guys of all ages — looking to get tag-teamed by a couple of hot daddies. P.P.S. The “missed out” feeling you describe is a common one among older folks — it’s so common, in fact, that Stephen Sondheim wrote a whole song about it for Follies, his show about the pain and ragret of late middle age. One lyric: “The load you didn’t take hardly comes to mind, does it? The dick you didn’t try, where could it have led?” You should listen to the show, as it might speak to you. (Okay, okay: I tweaked those lyrics — but not much. You can listen to “The Road You Didn’t Take” here.) 4. My ex-girlfriend’s name is tattooed on my right calf and my current girlfriend wants me to get it lasered off. I think it’s part of my story and that I have a right to some bodily autonomy here. I would never tell her to delete pics of her exes from her Instagram, which is way more “public facing” than my right calf. It’s not like it’s in a place where my girlfriend has to see it when we’re having sex. What do you think? “I had a tattoo of my ex — just the first letter of her first name although in a much more precarious place, my lower left hip — and it was a major point of contention in my relationship,” said Gianmarco Soresi, the standup comedian and host The Downside podcast. “We tried putting a Band-Aid over it, I offered to get a tattoo of her full name (‘Great, so I can be #2’), but the disagreement, like the tattoo, did not go away. At a certain point it became less about the tattoo itself and more my own sense of bodily autonomy, my history, a snapshot of who I once was! But I love my girlfriend and so I ultimately found a way that felt like I could cover it up on my own terms: I filmed a comedy special where I told some jokes about the tat — and our fights about it — and we showed me getting it covered up with a bouquet of flowers in the credits. To me, I transferred my past self onto film in a way that could honor the (insane) younger man I once was but also in a way that didn’t remind my girlfriend of my ex every time she gave me a blowjob. So, my advice is become a stand-up comedian.” To hear those jokes about Gianmarco Soresi’s tattoo — and to watch it get covered up — check out his latest stand-up special, Thief of Joy, on YouTube. Follow Soresi on Instagram @gianmarcosoresi. 5. Why is hangover horny a thing? Because Jesus loves us and wants us to be happy. 6. The wife asking: How can I gauge if a guy might want to have a threesome with me and my husband? You may already know a guy who might wanna have a threesome with you and your husband — fucking the two of you might be this guy’s go-to fantasy when he’s having a wank — but that guy, if he exists, is unlikely to unambiguously signal that he’s interested in having a threesome with your and husband. So, you’re going to have to ask. P.S. If this guy exists… why hasn’t he hit on you and your husband already? Well, this hypothetical guy most likely assumes you and your husband are monogamous, which is not an unreasonable assumption, since most opposite-sex couples are monogamous. And since he assumes you’re monogamous, he doesn’t want to come across as a creep by making the first move. So, again, you’re going to have to ask. 7. What’s the best way to get a pubic hair out of your throat? You’re gonna have to hack that thing up, same as everybody else. 8. My ex dumped me a month ago after seventeen years together. Took a beat from dating. How to fuck? I have to assume you remember how to fuck… it’s finding someone to fuck you’re out of practice with. Dating apps are hell, yes, but you can’t avoid them. But in addition to getting on the apps (and taking Dr. Jennie Young’s excellent advice about navigating the apps), you need to go places, do things, and meet people. 9. Why do the actors in American-made porn scream something that sounds very much like the German word “ja” in contexts where I’d usually expect them to scream the English word “yes”? What’s going on here? Put your teeth together, part your lips, press your tongue against the roof of your mouth and moan — “nnnnn” — and then open your mouth and say “yeah.” Sounds a lot like “ja,” doesn’t it? 10. What is the most jaw-dropping letter you’ve ever received? This letter about a fairly vanilla MMF threesome made my jaw hit the floor so hard I lost a tooth. I’ve gotten letters about far crazier kinks, but nothing has ever topped that threesome. P.S. This fact that there was no update to this letter — the fact that I never heard from the LW again — proves I don’t write the questions myself. Because if I’d written that letter, I also would’ve written an update detailing how things worked out for the LW and his new boyfriend. My readers were dying to know if his relationship survived the revelation that the boyfriend he brought home to meet his parents had already met (and fucked) his parents. I’m still dying to know. P.S. If you’re still out there and you read this, “I Knew He Was Into Blonds,” please write in! 11. The man I’m seeing is extremely rude to waiters and a terrible tipper. He is kind and generous with me personally. He’s also hot. I’m torn. I learned this one the hard way: Sooner or later… and probably sooner rather than later… that hot guy is gonna start treating you the same way he treats waiters. DTMFA. 12. I’ve stopped coming via oral but can still come with a vibrator. So, the wiring still works. But have I “death-gripped” myself via vibe? If you feel like you’ve become physically or psychologically dependent on your vibrator, stop using your vibrator for a few months. If you’re able to come again in a few weeks or months, you didn’t need that vibrator, and you should use it a little more sparingly going forward. If you aren’t coming after a few months, you do need that vibrator, and you shouldn’t be shy about giving it pride of place on your nightstand. 13. My new boyfriend wants me to meet his “significant ex” because being friends with exes is something “the gays” do. Maybe I don’t get it because I’m bisexual, but I really don’t want to be in the same room with any of his ex-boyfriends. Thoughts? Being weird about your boyfriend’s significant ex — being weird about any of his exes — is the quickest way to become his next ex. 14. How old is too old to be posting thirst traps? Gerontophiles exist — they even have their own pride flag (and it is hilarious) — and gerontos deserve a little eye candy too. 15. I have hemorrhoids that bleed routinely but I want to have anal sex. What do I do? See a doctor and/or date a vampire. 16. What should I know if I am entering a Dom/sub situation where I am being sub. Know the red flags: beware wannabe Doms who tell you “real” subs don’t have boundaries, beware wannabe Doms who won’t share references, beware wannabe Doms who think you can go from zero (just having met) to sixty (total power exchange) in under a week. (Getting to TPE — if that’s even a goal — takes years, it’s never actually “total,” and it should always be the sub’s idea.) P.S. Lina Dune’s “Ask a Sub” podcast is required listening for wannabe subs and the wannabe Doms who wanna do right by them. 17. I just want to know why Dan has no shirtless IG pics. What’s under your shirt, Dan? Hairy or smooth? Want to read the rest? Subscribe now to get every question, every week, the complete Savage Love archives, special events, and much more! All Subscriber Benefits  Already Subscribed? Log in here. Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to [email protected]! Or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan! Podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love The post Quickies appeared first on The Stranger. ...read more read less