ceaseless banter machine Ryan Gosling must remember his past to save humanity’s future by Dom Sinacola March Project Hail Mary: Directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller serve up fresh sci-fi sap for the first day of Spring. Trap ped on a spaceship headed for a distant star, no idea how he got there, a “science teacher” somehow named “Ryland Grace,” played by ceaseless banter machine Ryan Gosling, must remember his past to save humanity’s future. April The Super Mario Galaxy Movie: There’s a lot that’s grotesque about the amount of money this sequel will make, but personally, I’m most appalled by the continued celebration of Chris Pratt’s stolen Italian valor. The Christophers: We’re blessed to live in a time when Steven Soderbergh takes four to five weeks per year to generate approximately two motion pictures. In the second quarter of 2026, expect Soderbergh’s next offering, The Christophers, written by the creator of Bill Ted and starring Ian McKellan and Micaela Coel, two actors who, like their director, are as fascinating as they are reliable. Faces of Death: In a bit of unintentional viral marketing, the original uncensored trailer for Daniel Goldhaber’s remake of the infamous 1978 atrocity exhibition was pulled from YouTube for violating terms of service. Undoubtedly, tales of public puking and preview screening walk-outs will follow. The trailer can't be embedded because it's too hardcore🙄, so click here if you want to watch it. Blue Heron: I loved Sophy Romvari’s reflective autofiction debut so much that it ranked #2 on my favorite films of 2025, despite its nebulous US release date. Perhaps the first nice thing to happen in 2026, it’s coming to local theaters in April! No trailer for this just yet, but we'll add it when Janus lets that birdie fly! Normal: Ben Wheatley, great filmmaker who hasn’t touched greatness in 10 years, stays employed with Normal, the latest bad dad splatter-actioner from writer-actor business duo Derek Kolstad and Bob Odenkirk, who last paired for the Nobody movies. This is just what Bob Odenkirk does now, I guess. Michael: Instead of doing something productive—like directing another Equalizer movie—Antoine Fuqua helms this Michael Jackson hagiography. While it’s possible Michael won’t gloss over the pop icon’s controversies, we all know in our hearts what this movie will be. Prepare for rote biopic refuse! May The Sheep Detectives: Talking sheep raised on Agatha Christie novels investigate the murder of their shepherd (Hugh Jackman). Doubtful if the sheep are licensed law enforcement, but still: SCAB (sheep cops are bastards). I Love Boosters: Writer-director Boots Riley follows up Sorry to Bother You with a cadre of shoplifters who take on a fashion mogul (Demi Moore). Riley has good politics, so the studio wanted me to let you know it’s actually praxis to see this in a chain theater. The Mandalorian and Grogu: As Werner Herzog once intoned about the titular Grogu, “I would like to see the baby.” Will audiences “like to see the baby” come May?! To quote Herzog again: “What we do as filmmakers is immaterial. It’s only a projection of light. And doing that all your life makes you just a clown.” Stop! That! Train! Starring Ginger Minj and Jujubee as stewardesses on Stank Rail, a high-speed train heading for disaster, Stop! That! Train! features an ensemble from the Drag Race universe, including Ru herself as the perfectly named President Gagwell. Good luck, director Adam Shankman, and DON’T fuck this up. We're still waiting on the trailer for this too—stay tuned! ...read more read less