It’s not always easy to talk about sex. Some might say the discussion of sex is wholly unsexy and best left alone. Eleni Economides talks about it every day. © 2024 | Kelly Kester Photography As a licensed marriage and family therapist, an AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educat ors, Counselors and Therapists) certified sex therapist and a sexual wellness and intimacy coach, Economides works to help others feel fulfilled and empowered in their sexual lives. Her private practice, Better Relationship Counseling, focuses on marriage therapy and couples’ counseling.  She is also the founder and designer of New Intimacy Coaching, a signature coaching program for those with low libido or desire for sex. The Libido Lab is a 1:1 program and deep dive into her clients’ relationships with sex, their partners and, ultimately, themselves.  CITY: How did you decide to become a sex therapist? Economides: It evolved on its own, based on the most common themes I discovered in my work [as a licensed marriage and family therapist] with couples. Most people come in for communication and connection. Somehow, the communication is lacking. What I discovered is that [couples] would make progress, things would get better in communication and connection and all of a sudden, [they] would slide back into old patterns. The reason was that we were not talking about sex. Once we started talking more about sex, then the progress was more sustainable. That led me to want to understand more how I can help people in both areas. I started my sex therapy training so that I could help my couples have more holistic, sustainable progress in their relationship.  CITY: Let’s talk about the Libido Lab. What should we know? Economides: The Libido Lab is a six-month program for people with low libido or [those who] don’t have the desire for sex. A big part of the Libido Lab is psychoeducational, teaching people about human sexuality in a way that touches their everyday life. Sex education at school is minimal and really misleading, and people learn about sex via mostly porn, which is not a realistic representation of the average person’s sex life.   So, they end up having a lot of misconceptions and false beliefs about what good sex is like, how it should feel, how it should look … and when their sex doesn’t look like that, or feel like what they think it should feel [like], they start to develop anxiety and insecurities.  Part of the Libido Lab is to correct people’s misguided beliefs about sex. Sex can look very different for different people. It is not just intercourse, and intercourse is not just the ultimate goal during intimacy. The goal is to have a positive relationship with sex and yourself as a sexual person. CITY: What goes into nurturing those relationships, with sex and with ourselves? Economides: I mean, sex ultimately — good sex — is an act of self-love, right? Sort of allowing yourself to connect, be vulnerable, receive pleasure, give pleasure. That is very difficult if you don’t love yourself. I mean, we’re all imperfect. There is no standard to get to that will make us more lovable and worthy — we inherently are. When you are able to love and accept yourself, still strive to be the best version of you, but love all versions of you, then you can be vulnerable. Self-love makes being vulnerable not feel scary. CITY: Self-love must also mean learning about how we desire sex. Can you explain the two types of sexual desire?  Economides: There are two main types: spontaneous sexual desire and responsive sexual desire. Spontaneous sexual desire is, “I want to have sex. I feel the tingles, I feel aroused and I’m thinking about sex.”  Responsive sexual desire is, “I’m not thinking about sex. But if we start, I might get into it.” Responsive desire is healthy and doesn’t mean you have low libido. If you can be in the present moment, not judge yourself and become aroused, your desire will kick in. CITY: What comes to mind when you think of empowerment in sex? Economides: The word that comes to mind is permission. Meaning, one can feel empowered if they give themselves permission to be valuable and worthy in who they are, even if they make mistakes. If you value and love yourself and your needs and desires and don’t pathologize yourself for anything, then you are empowered to go get what you want. Helana Shumway is a Rochester-based writer who enjoys shedding light on kind humans doing remarkable things in our community. Follow her @helanashum. The post A therapist’s tips for sexual wellness, intimacy and empowerment appeared first on CITY Magazine. Arts. Music. Culture.. ...read more read less