The Stranger's Morning News Roundup by Marcus Harrison Green Congrats, folks! You’ve made it to the final week of 2025: the year that felt less like 12 months and more like a long, haunted hallway where every door led to another n ovel horror. Your prize? Oh, we had one. It was hope-shaped, very small, and tragically backordered. For now, please accept this complimentary mix of step-dad humor, emotional scar tissue, and the quiet pride of knowing you outlasted whatever the hell that was. Now take a deep breath, unclench your jaw, and welcome to a recap of the weekend that just was. The Deal Is 95 Percent Done. The War Is Not: While Zelenskyy made the rounds in Canada and the US this weekend, Putin sent Kyiv a Saturday-morning greeting: airstrikes. At least two people were killed, 20 injured, homes were hit, and roughly a third of the city lost heat—in a week when the high temps are consistently around 25 degrees. Hours later, Zelenskyy handed Trump a revised 20-point peace plan. As of this morning: no deal. Trump keeps insisting it’s “closer than ever” and “95 percent done,” but the “thorny” part—Donbas—still hasn’t moved. A $250 Million Scam, 78 Indictments, and Somehow It’s the Immigrants’ Fault: The FBI says it's flooding Minnesota with agents to "dismantle large-scale fraud schemes" after busting a $250 million Covid-era food-aid scam that led to 78 indictments. FBI Director Kash Patel says this is "just the tip!” The Trump regime is using the investigations to frame Minnesota's Somali community as a fraud hub. Patel has floated denaturalization and deportations, while Trump has gone back to a racist standby—calling Somali immigrants "garbage" and accusing the state of rampant money laundering. Rep. Ilhan Omar, who’s Somali American, says the community is being scapegoated and warns this may only be the beginning. Dead, Canonized, and Still Racist: Brigitte Bardot is dead. Cue the weepy animal montages, carefully sidestepping the part where she spent decades using her fame to go after immigrants and Muslims. Bardot was a real pioneer—of being rich, famous, and relentlessly racist. French courts convicted her five times for inciting racial hatred, fining her again and again for anti-Muslim screeds, immigration panic, and racist insults. She wasn't "complicated." She was an unrepentant racist who loved animals and loathed entire groups of people. But sure—she was once fine as hell. Kidnapping Foiled by a Dad With Zero Chill: A Texas father used the parental controls on his daughter’s phone to locate her after she was allegedly kidnapped at knifepoint while walking her dog on Christmas. He tracked the phone to a wooded area a couple of miles away and found his 15-year-old daughter and her dog inside a pickup truck with a partially nude man, at which point she escaped and her dad called the police. The man is now being held without bail. At least 13 people were killed and nearly 100 were injured after an Interoceanic Train carrying about 250 passengers derailed near Nizanda in Oaxaca, Mexico. It’s a grim reminder that a “major infrastructure project” still has to, you know, safely work. President Claudia Sheinbaum said several victims remain in critical condition as federal officials rush in and an investigation gets underway. The train is part of the Interoceanic Corridor of the Isthmus of Tehuantepec, a flagship effort to turn southern Mexico into a global trade artery—now under scrutiny after the deadly derailment. State officials will partially reopen about 20 miles of Highway 2 starting today, rolling out a pilot-car system from Coles Corner to Stevens Pass during daylight hours, weather permitting. The road has been wrecked since December 10 by severe flooding, debris slides, and washouts that destroyed sections of roadway and damaged bridges, particularly near Skykomish. The west side remains sealed off, with repairs expected to take weeks or months. The prolonged closure has been a financial gut punch to ski operations and tourism-dependent towns, where businesses are watching peak season slip away. Impairment Starts Early. The Law… Does Not: State lawmakers are once again dusting off the very radical idea that maybe people shouldn’t be impaired while driving, reviving a push to lower the blood alcohol limit from 0.08 to 0.05 percent as traffic deaths keep climbing. State Sen. John Lovick says 2026 might finally be the year, with lawmakers who previously clutched their pearls now admitting they’re on board. More than 150 countries already use this standard, and the science is deeply uncontroversial: impairment starts well below 0.08. Or, as we proved last summer in our very unscientific experiment: the legal limit is too damn high, and fewer people would die if we lowered it. About 2,855 pounds of Forward Farms grass-fed ground beef are being recalled after routine testing by the USDA found possible E. coli contamination. The recall covers 16-ounce bags made by Mountain West Food Group LLC with a “use or freeze by” date of Jan. 13, 2026, shipped to six states, including Washington and California. No illnesses have been reported, which is great news, but also a strong reminder to maybe double-check your freezer before taco night. Seahawks Tie Record for Franchise Wins: They beat the Carolina Panthers 27-10 for their sixth straight win, despite quarterback Sam Darnold spending much of the first half, to quote my father’s colorful commentary, playing like “straight ass.” Luckily, Seattle’s defense showed up in full “absolutely not” mode, setting a franchise record by holding opponents without a 100-yard rusher for 25 straight games and limiting Carolina to a bleak 139 total yards. The offense sleepwalked through the first half (again), then woke up after halftime, set a franchise record for points in a season with 470, and pushed the team to 13 wins, tying the best regular season in Seahawks history, which last time ended in a Super Bowl run. Next up: a winner-take-all road finale Saturday at 5 p.m. against the San Francisco 49ers, with the NFC West and the top seed on the line. Relationship Pruning Time: Because nothing says “fresh start” like end-of-year relationship pruning, a very Pacific Northwest, passive-aggressive way of saying breaking up. The New York Times rounded up 52 truly elite breakup lines to help you rip off the emotional Band-Aid. Washington state shows up strong: Seattle goes for the jugular (“It’s not me—it’s 100% about you. Unless you turn into a different person, this will never work”), while Spokane opts for the quieter devastation of a breakup that sounds like a LinkedIn recommendation (“You were a great boyfriend. I mean, I’d even write you a letter of recommendation”). Together, they perfectly capture the PNW vibe: blunt, restrained, and just polite enough to haunt you later. The takeaway? Breakups are universal, but the delivery is deeply regional, and we apparently specialize in emotional efficiency. ...read more read less